I ordered a vibrator and a rose from an online sex shop.
Opened my secure package lockers to find the package opened and the vibe gone.
USPS WHY???

Share your sexy toy mishaps with me so I feel better

 

My missus orderd me a coock ring and put it on that evening and it broke/snapped. not because im to big but because it was just cheap crap. but it was expensive on the site.

When we asked if we could get a new one they said no as it had been used... WTF

 

We ordered a 8" dildo that was out of stock... got sent a 12" sleave that had the girth of a coke can

 

Absolutely silly

 

None of us in General Discussion have toys. Those folks are all down in Sexuality, which is where this should have been posted.

 

Ordered my wife a vib that plays o cum all e faithful as you use it but got one that plays smooth criminal. My wife can't seem to cum with Michael Jackson singing in her vagina.

 

Wrong location. Hopefully it'll be moved soon. Try reading the rules.

 

Tell me how to do that and I'll move it

 

This is in the wrong place
No sexual discussion in gd

 

I was flying to see a partner once and had a glass dildo stuck in my boot in my luggage for protection from damage. Well of course my bag needs to be inspected and he pulls out the boot upside down before I could say anything and the piece of glass falls out into the tile floor and gets a big chip in it.

No sorry, no replacement, no nothing.

 

I can't think of a "mishap," but these stories are making me want to never order sex stuff online again. There's a very nice brick-and-mortar store close to me I should patronize more, anyway.

 

lost a small vibrator, sue s butt sucked it right outa ma fingars ,didn t tell her,so later she asks me,did I have any beno or pepto for a rumbling in her tummy

 

I had ordered a realistic dildo it was a marvelous 9inch brown cock. The package had some other things in it like lube nipple clamps and butt plug. After work I headed straight home to get my package. When I pulled in the drive I saw my neighbor put down a box on my porch, look up at me and took off for her down and ran inside. I was like what is going on and walked up to the box I saw it had been open. I picked it up, opened it all the way and saw the big brown dildo i busted out laughing so hard at this point. About five minutes later I got a call and soft voice saying she was sorry but she thought it was a package she had been waiting for and opened it without looking at the name on it.

 

One time I purchased multiple things at a sex shop and the lady working there gave a lot of small extras with the purchase. Among these things was a small vibrating soccer ball (it was like one inch in diameter). When I opened that thing up to change the tiny button batteries, one of them just straight up exploded in my hands. Luckily I wasn't hurt, just a tiny bit startled. Hadn't had a battery just straight up explode on me ever before.

 

Bought a penis pump for my FWB to use on me as she was intrigued by the idea of it. She gave it a few good pumps...and my balls got sucked inside. Luckily the release switch got rid of enough pressure to (very carefully) pull them out. Never used one again until I got a cock ring to prevent it happening again.

 

My sex toy mishaps fall into two categories:

1. Toys that I lose up my ass and have to go searching for. I find them eventually without the help of a local urgent care.

2. Cock rings and other ball and cock squeezing devices. Stretching them out with a lot of effort and slip them on my balls, cock or combo. Holy mackerel, it was way too tight and I can’t get my fingers between it and my dick and it hurts and my dick is getting bigger making it even more difficult and painful. Or my balls get overly squeezed try to slip one ball out. Mishap.

 

I had a tiny lil cheap vibator I got off of amazon. Was using it one day when the damn thing wouldn't turn of. I pressed the button and nothing. Freaked out cause my mom was going to be home soon. Called my lover and he's like just take off the batteries. Felt like a Moron lol. Crisis adverted.

 

Hahaha, so my wife and I bought a nice 7” dildo she was gonna use on me from Amazon. No big deal right? Well our account got hacked and we called to make a claim. The Amazon employee went on to ask which purchases were ours and which were not. When she reached the dildo our jaws dropped, yes we had to admit we bought it.

 

Never forget the batteries!

 

Hmm not sure it's a mishap but we had a bullet vibe which was about £80 - really powerful and some great settings on it. Played with it lots and was excellent until one night during a session the control switch stopped responding and we couldn't turn it off. Ended up having to wrap it in a towel and leave it buzzing away 'til the batteries went.

Got in touch with the retailer and they sent me another and told us to bin the broken one. I like to try to fix things so I opened it up, resoldered the switch and hey presto now we have two fantastic little vibes, great to slip one in her pussy alongside my cock whilst using the other against her asshole as we fuck.